Know When to Fold ‘Em

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He said, “If you’re gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run…

~ Kenny Rogers

There have been many times in my life where I knew it was time to make a change.  Sometimes I refused to make the change and suffered for it.  Sometimes I made it but it took a long time for me to make it and that actually made it that much harder.  Other times, it was easier and I made the changes fairly quickly.

About a year and a half ago I made ones of those difficult changes.  I had been meeting monthly with a small group of women…our intention circle.  We’d have lunch and we worked hard over the years to get the agenda just right and we’d laugh and cry and provide support and feedback during our time together and it was exactly what I needed.

I looked forward to our time together… to hearing where everyone was at… to providing support and receiving it in return…to learning more about each other with every passing minute.  There is something so special about find a group of people you feel like you can relate to… who have your back no matter what… who want you to grow and succeed.

Over time, I started to feel the group wasn’t fitting as well as it once did.  Sometimes I had a hard time communicating what I wanted to say, almost like we were talking in different languages – a sign for me that something isn’t working.  The meetings became more sporadic…often needing to be rescheduled for one reason or another, which was hard for me.  The meetings were important to me and a priority in my life.  To be accountable…to receive support from a group like this… consistency and commitment are important.  I wanted to be prepared…to make the most of our time and not meeting regularly…not knowing when we would be getting together..was disappointing to me and difficult to plan around.

When I addressed my concerns with the group, they understood.  They were kind and supportive of my feelings and explained that they were all committed to the group as much as I was.  Their commitment just looked different.  Life was going to get in the way and they weren’t going to be able to commit to meeting regularly any time in the near future.

I so loved this group of women where true honesty was valued and shared so freely.

And I knew that was my cue to leave.  It was time to walk away…

I don’t find groups that don’t meet regularly work well for me in terms of a mastermind/support type group.  They can work in other ways, of course; it’s just not how this group was structured and what kind of a group I needed.

We had always said if someone felt like the group wasn’t a good fit anymore, we wanted them to feel comfortable leaving and I wasn’t the first to make that choice.  It was handled with grace and ease and it felt really good.

Decisions are not always easy and they are not always consequence-free… they still need to be made.  As much as I still miss that group…what it was and the wonderful women who were a part of it.  The shifting of the group wasn’t working for me and it was important to honor what I needed and, in doing so, it opened up so many other wonderful things for me.

I believe making that shift was one of the most important things I did for myself in that year.

It allowed me to begin to play a bigger role in making decisions for myself instead of needing to run them by a bunch of people.  It allowed me to make room in my schedule for other things and to not have to continue moving things around which freed up time and energy.  It allowed me to find other ways to get the support I needed in a way that worked well for me.  It allowed me to connect even deeper with my intuition…knowing I could follow my gut and my heart and find success in doing so and then to see the fruits of my labors pay off in a big way.

Kenny Rogers had it right.  In the game of life, it’s no different.  There will be winners and losers… sometimes your hand will look really good and something will change and it doesn’t look so good anymore.

There will be times you want to stay and times you want to leave…trust what you know to be your truth and do what you need to do for you.  Honor yourself and you honor everyone around you in the process.

Is there a change in your life you need to make?  Something that’s been eating at you for a while now?  What are you willing to do moving forward today?