Most relationships have their share of ups and downs.  I certainly know mine have.  Sometimes in those valleys, it’s a huge challenge to clear the space to move forward.  We are in such a negative space, we just can’t see our way out.  Other times, everything seems to flow so well.  Many years ago, someone shared this exercise with me…it has a two-fold purpose.  If you aren’t in a good place in a relationship, you will quickly be able to tell by going through this exercise.  It will be a challenge…feel like a chore…maybe even feel impossible.  You might even decide to “just eff it” and find something else to do.

Or you might do it…put in the time and energy…and watch yourself shift out of that negative space and into a positive, warm, and love space.  It’s impossible to see all the loving qualities…the endearing habits of another without a heart-shift occurring at the same time.  A sense of openness…of love…of admiration…of being blessed…when you begin to explore all the positive aspects of another being.

I decided to sit down and do this exercise to see where I am at in my relationship, which certainly isn’t perfect and has it’s share of ups and downs.  It flowed non-stop until I hit #27…then a brief pause, similar to taking a breath…and then the rest were there.  I chose thirty this time myself…felt guided to do this number.  Maybe because I was thinking it would be cool to include one thing (at least) that I love about him every day in my daily gratitude list.  I was thinking that might be a very powerful exercise in keeping myself in a healthy, open and loving space.

You see, I know too well what happens when the shit hits the fan.  Sometimes it doesn’t even take something major…life happens…kids, bills, jobs, family…they get in the way.  No time to focus on things we love.  No time to relax and enjoy life.  One thing triggers another and it becomes a vicious cycle until two people are miserable…with each and alone.  Two people can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and they call it quits.

Would they have called it quits if they engaged in an exercise like this?  A practice of appreciation and gratitude?  I think maybe not…I definitely think their odds would be a lot better of staying connected…staying intimate…staying in love.

So here is my current list.

Here are 30 reasons why I love you…

1. I love the way you wink at me for no reason at all.
2. I love the way you fist bump me when we experience something for the first time.
3. I love the way you laugh when we share funny stories/jokes with each other.
4. I love the way you pull me close when we climb into bed.
5. I love the way you text me “Hi :)” at the end of your work day.
6. I love the way you hold my hand when we walk into the grocery store.
7. I love the way you switch the A/C on for me, even when you’d rather not, because my comfort comes first.
8. I love the way you you tell me no when I ask you to smile…but you always end up smiling anyway.
9. I love the way you kiss my forehead.
10. I love the way you twirl me around on the dance floor when we’re being silly.
11. I love the way your eyes twinkle when you share something that made you feel really good inside.
12. I love the way you filled my water softener with salt just because you “wanted to.”
13. I love the way you hug me so tight.
14. I love the way you help me in the kitchen.
15. I love the way you recline and relax after a long day at work.
16. I love the way you drool a little as you sleep when you are really tired.
17. I love the way you spoon me in the middle of the night.
18. I love the way you let me focus on the journey, not the destination.
19. I love the way you always want to help others.
20. I love the way your arms feel wrapped around me as we sleep.
21. I love the way you work so hard and are committed to your job.
22. I love the way you listen when I tell you something is bothering me and you make an effort to ease my heart.
23. I love the way you let me do things for you to fulfill my desire to make your life just a little easier.
24. I love the way you rent a hotel room so I’m comfortable and have a place to call our own and get a good night’s sleep.
25. I love the way you brainstorm with me what we’ll make for dinner or what recipe we want to try next.
26. I love the way you go on a bike ride with me and notice the picture perfect moments I might have otherwise missed.
27. I love the way you joke with me about “binging that shit.”
28. I love the way you let me share the ups and downs of my day.
29. I love the way support me spending time with my friends.
30. I love the way you love me.

Consider doing a list of your own today.  If you hit 25 or 30 and don’t feel that positive shift in your heart…keep going until you hit 50.  How can you possibly feel anything but love for someone you have so many reasons to be grateful for?!  Watch your relationships shift today.  Try these on for size too:

• 25 reasons I love myself.
• 25 reasons I am grateful for my job.
• 25 reasons I am grateful for my children.
• 25 reasons I am grateful for my friend.

The list is endless…what shifts do you need today?

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