Ask For What You Need

I have a cleaning person who comes every other week.  She’s been coming for several months and I love it.  It wasn’t an easy decision and took a lot of thought before I got clear about creating this space in my life.  I was afraid it somehow meant I was lazy or not enough and I didn’t want to feel that way about myself.  I was afraid I would start and then find I couldn’t really afford it and have to stop.  I was concerned about what others would say about me.  I had to get clear around all of this before I could move forward.

At the time I started thinking about it, the house wasn’t in a state of disarray by any means.  I just felt like sometimes I had a hard time keeping up to the level I had come to love living in…a clean and orderly home means a lot to me.  In fact, I seriously never thought I’d ever live in a clean home that had very little clutter in it.  And I work from home so I see it all day and its a distraction…even a minor need around the house can derail me quickly.

Bringing Lindsey in almost completely eliminated the stress I was feeling around keeping up…it’s so easy for things to spiral out of control and I was terrified that would happen.  It freed me up to focus on the things I love.  It freed me up from the anxiety I felt because I knew it would be taken care of.  But most importantly it seemed to have an impact on my soul that I’m not sure I can fully verbalize.

The peace of mind I have around this area of my life is exactly where I want to be.  When I moved three years ago, I made a list of everything I wanted in a home and found it…easily.  A year ago, when I decided it was time to move again to something that represented where I was in my life and where I was going better than where I was living, I made another list.  It didn’t change much but there were a few things that I’d gotten more clear around.  I found it again…easily.

My entire life has changed for the better.  I know having a clean home I love is part of that process.  Of course, I clean myself as well but knowing the things I don’t like to do are being done but by someone else is incredible.  It hasn’t just given me 4 hours a month to do something else with…it’s so much more than that.

When we listen to what our hearts tell us we need and are open to receiving, amazing things happen.  This is one of them for me.

But a couple of days ago I had a set back.  My husband made a negative comment for the first time about having a cleaner.  It was sarcastic and basically saying we didn’t need to have someone come in and do this.

It was devastating to me to hear him say that.  I was shocked because he’d never said anything before.  I pay for it myself.  She comes when he isn’t home.  I didn’t think it was having any negative impact on him and it’s important to me that he support my need and desire to have her.

I waited a day and then shared with him briefly how I was feeling.  I explained that I could go into a lot of detail around why it was so important to me to have her around and I also explained that while I knew it was my own shit, I needed him to know how negative comments affected me internally…the whole not good enough…don’t do enough…lazy…all that crap.  I get that it’s mine and I need to move through that space and I also feel that, when you love someone, you don’t do or say things to trigger them when you know it’s a trigger.  But I can’t expect him to know that unless I communicate it directly.

He was so kind and apologized and told me he supports me having her because it’s important to me.  He didn’t understand how important it was until I shared.

I asked and I received again.

And that’s what asking for what you need can do for your life. We have to find a way to share with others what it is we want and need in our lives.  They may or may not choose to respect that and that becomes an entirely different conversation.

The first step is to communicate clearly and mindfully.  That’s where it all begins.

What is it you need today?