Big Dark Secrets

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top secretI was just reading a blog post entitled, Things I’m Afraid To Tell You, a topic suggestion for bloggers that seems to be making it’s rounds.  This was a blog I hadn’t visited before but stumbled across it through the Ultimate Blog Challenge I’m participating in this month.  I loved the post for lots of reasons but mostly because I love it when people go out on a limb and share their “secrets” with intention.  I’m not referring to hanging their dirty laundry out for all to see but more of a sharing of their soul and who they really are in a thoughtful and loving way.

The part about sweating, in this person’s post, reminded me of a show I’d seen on TV about this issue and one of the girls they highlighted always wore dark clothes and heavy sweatshirts to hopefully hide the stains, the smell, the embarrassment she felt.  When she finally opened up to her friends as to why she wouldn’t wear anything else, even when it was really hot out; they were super supportive and one of them actually suffered from the same thing in a way but handled it differently.  Sharing changed her life.  Her “secret” was no longer this heavy burden she carried around.  Her friends didn’t care that she sweat a lot at all and provided positive support to find options for her other than the heavy sweatshirts and dark clothing.  She became happier and more carefree as a result.

In the spirit of sharing something I’m afraid to share…

When I found out Friday that my daughter could finally get her car (today!), I was so happy.  I was excited about not having to share my car anymore and knowing that it would always be there for me and the radio would play my favorite songs, not someone else’s.  And then, a moment of panic set it.  I realized, for the first time, how nice it had been, in a way, to not have a car all the time.  Having to work around her schedule, has made it a lot of work to schedule things so I just don’t schedule much, I don’t go to meetings much, and I hang around my home and do what I want to do.  I am an introvert and I am safe in my home.  In that panicked state, which caught me off guard, I realized I could actually be at risk to become one of those people who NEVER leaves their home.  There was something a bit terrifying about getting back out into the world on a regular basis.  I don’t want to be one of those people so I’ve added a few things to my calendar and I’m cleaning out my car today as a way of saying “I love you” to her. I’m certainly going to continue to carve out the time I need to be at home to work on projects, take care of life and rejuvenate myself but I’m also going to carve out some time for being out in the world.

Being afraid to share, holding things inside, is never healthy.  The fear of what will happen if we share is often not what results are actually produced.  It’s hard to keep a secret.  That’s why people are so bad at keeping them for other people.  But keeping our own, it’s just as hard on us, if not harder, because it’s our own stuff.  The world is dying to see you shine…dying for you to feel free…are you willing to let go of something you’ve been afraid to share today?

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