Killing Me Softly with CRAP

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toilet paperFor months now, I’ve been wondering why there were so many times during the day that I found myself crabby, irritated, judgmental, etc. – even when there was no reason to feel that way.  I knew that deep down somewhere inside of me there was a kind and loving being wanting to come out and play.  She just seemed to be really stuck.

I started paying attention to how I was spending my time…what I was surrounding myself with…and I had a major breakthrough in mid-December.  It wasn’t like, all of a sudden, I had new information or something occurred to me that I’d never thought of before.   It was more like filling up the bathtub with cold water when, what I really wanted, was a nice warm bath.  If I turn on the faucet and come back to discover the water was turned on cold but the tub is full…it’s too late.  There’s no room for what I really want and need.  I was filling myself up with things I didn’t REALLY want.

As I paid attention, here’s what I noticed…

  • Those Twitter accounts I followed that sometimes post and have me laughing for days, also cross the line and they do it a lot.  The funny stuff was so funny, I had all their tweets coming to my phone, all day long, so I wouldn’t miss a thing…and that included the line-crossers.  Even though I noticed this, I didn’t stop following.
  • The radio station I listened to who’s primary focus is gossip…they say mean things and judge others.  And I listened, if only for a bit, every time I got in my car.  Even though I noticed this, I didn’t stop listening.
  • The reality shows with cast members who spend their days drunk and their nights making meaningless connections…the moms who try living vicariously through their children and often do so by living waaay beyond their means and by insulting and making fun of others…the family who just doesn’t know any better and is truly being exploited by a network and a nation.  All crap.  Even though I noticed, I didn’t stop watching.

Until the day, I was reminded by my soul…

  • I cannot live an enlightened, powerful life if I fill my life with garbage.
  • I cannot live a joyful life if I enjoy a little gossip EVER.
  • I cannot be happy if I focus on and surround myself with the unhappiness of others.
  • I cannot feel alive if the hearts of others are wounded and bleeding.

My desire for happiness, for feeling empowered, for joy and to live an enlightened life is stronger than the crap that has been killing me softly so…

I stopped following.

I stopped listening.

I stopped watching.

Do you have any “guilty pleasures” that are hurting your spirit?  How would your life be different if those guilty pleasures suddenly disappeared?

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