Several years ago, I bought a camper. It was a bare bones, slightly better than tenting it, kind of popup camper. After one season, I upgraded. Then another upgrade and one final one where we landed on hard side but a hybrid so the beds popped out like a popup without all the labor. This was a nice mix because it meant we could get a smaller camper but keep some extra floor space because it wasn't being taken up by the beds.
It was nice. Lots of nice features, homey, and comfortable and we enjoyed it for a couple of years. We weren't heavy campers...a few long weekends each year was about it.And I know I said easier towing but that's still not easy towing unless you are into that kind of thing and comfortable with it. Hint: I'm not. I thought I'd make the effort to learn but I really didn't want to when it came down to it. And my husband recently disclosed he wasn't into towing it either.
Even though I knew we could have driven or flown somewhere, spent a long weekend in a nice hotel, eaten in a few amazing restaurants, and seen the sites with almost a hassle-free vacation for what I was paying in payments on that camper, I still kept the camper.
I think I was attached to the dream.
I had this vision in my head of traveling all around the US and maybe even Canada and Mexico with my camper. I thought "I can do this" when it came to needs like hooking it up to the truck, driving the truck with it attached, setting it up, emptying sewer, filling water, etc. but the reality is I just didn't have the capacity to do it. Frankly, I can't even handle throw pillows on my bed so I really don't know what I was thinking. It's simply not how I'd want to spend my time and energy.
The last few years have seen the camper sadly sit...unused and unloved. I thought about letting it go but couldn't. I wasn't ready. Those dreams of waking up next to some body of water with the sun shining down, the sounds of the water flowing by, working at my dinette while also able to take breaks as I desired, and falling asleep under the stars made it hard to say good-bye. The perfectly curated Instagram and TikTok accounts showcasing all the good things about a nomad lifestyle also made it hard (even though I knew they weren't showing the full story.
So I put on my big girl panties and got ready and, a few days ago, I finally sold the camper. It's gone, everything is done, and I'm moving on BUT I'm also sad.
I thought when it was finally over I'd be so happy and want to celebrate but I didn't feel that way at all. I mean I'm glad I no longer have to keep making payments on something that wasn't being used but the loss of that dream (at least for now) is hitting harder than I expected. I know I could change things in the future if I wanted and have actually considered doing this in my SUV or purchasing a van...the kind you see a lot of people use for this purpose...down the road. Either of these options are a little trade-off in terms of space and amenities but not having to tow anything or really set anything up sounds amazing. We'll see what the future holds.
But for now, I'm going to allow myself to feel sad...to grieve for the dream that hasn't happened yet and may never happen - only time will tell - and I'll wait for the next dream to appear.