Let’s Talk About Sex with Jessica Drake

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Jessica DrakeMy hubby and I recently attended a workshop at Fantasy Gifts, a local adult store, with Jessica Drake.  Jessica is in the adult film industry with a lot of experience, both as an actress and a director.  She also has her own line of sex-enhancing products.  Because of her background, she’s had a lot of opportunities to visit with people and gain perspective into the sex lives of others…the topics people wonder about, the tips people need, and the biggest one – the lack of conversation happening around all of it.

Initially, when she would do meet and greet type of events, the audience would be filled with men and she wanted to shift that.  Not that she minded the men coming, she just wanted to have more conversations around sex and see more women and couples attending her events.  Education was becoming increasingly important to her and this was a way to provide it.

Although, she had some product available for sale, I truly felt her focus was on sharing information and I believe she has a strong desire to educate people in a positive way and get those sometimes difficult conversations flowing.  That’s the biggest reason I went…while I didn’t ask any of my own questions, I enjoyed listening to her tips…her frankness around all these different topics…and having others share, which most did through privately submitting questions on index cards.  And, most of all, I have enjoyed the conversations that have occurred in my own relationship after leaving the workshop.  Sometimes, we just need a little nudge to get the ball rolling to make it easier to talk about things in the bedroom.  To share more about what we like and don’t like…what we’d maybe like to give a try…I love when those conversations can flow easily.  While it’s a topic my husband and I do discuss, sometimes things come up that aren’t as easy to communicate around and the little nudge is helpful.

I appreciate the time and energy Fantasy Gifts puts into planning events like these.  I overheard an employee talking to someone about how there was nothing around like this when she was younger…not necessarily a porn star and director sharing…but any healthy conversations around sex.  I know it’s true and there still aren’t even enough conversations around it and I find that so sad.  I read something recently about how France, I think it was, has a really low rate of teen pregnancy and STDs but their approach to sex is very different than here in the US.  We focus on the shameful side…all the bad things that can happen, whereas France focuses on the facts but includes information on the pleasurable side of sex and how important it is.  At least that was my take on the article.

What is it in the society that creates such a hang up around sex?  Many cultures embrace sex and nudity and it isn’t taboo.  Breasts aren’t sexualized in other countries the way they are here in the US…topics around sex aren’t shoved under the rug…

I know many people criticized the books and the movie, 50 Shades of Gray.  I get it on one level but on another…wow…it did a great job of getting some conversations flowing…of getting people to think about what a healthy relationship looks…of exploring more sexually…all a win-win in my book.

I long to live in a society that sees the beauty in sexual expression…that sees the importance of healthy conversations…that doesn’t shy away from such an important part of our overall well-being.  Sex plays such a big role in our health, in our relationships, in how connected we are with the world – what are your thoughts on the subject?  How can we create a safer space for these conversations to take place?

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