Life Lesson 27: Changing Another Is Impossible

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Can’t be done…if you want something different from someone, ask how YOU can be more like what you want.  Confused?  I know it’s a tough nut to swallow but the good AND the bad you see in someone else is on your radar because you possess those same qualities.

In the case of something you don’t care for…it may be something from your past but not how you currently move through your life.  It may be something current that looks completely different but the under current is the same. For example, I had a friend who’s need for attention drove me nuts.  She had all these subtle behaviors that would occur during meetings and such as a way of saying “look at me” and I could hardly stand it.  It took me six months to figure out what the common denominator was because I didn’t do the things she did so I couldn’t figure out why it bothered me so much.  Well, I did have a desire to be seen and often felt like I wasn’t and it bothered me a lot…I just carried victim energy around rather than doing anything about it, positively or negatively.  That was a tough one for me.

Recently, I was having some difficulties around someone in my life who I felt wasn’t being a person of integrity (I know, judgement).  It was really bothering me so I sat down and took a look at the behaviors that were causing concern for me and started asking myself where those behaviors show up in my life.  I made a list of what it means to me to be a person of integrity and I began to manage my life by asking myself how a person of integrity would handle various situations that came up and I moved forward from that space.  In a very short time, my relationship with that person shifted.  Those concerns have not been there for quite some time and I am living my life with a new area of focus to ensure I attract people of integrity into my life moving forward.

So stop trying to change others.  Stop judging their behavior.  When something surfaces for you…ask yourself where it’s showing up in your life.  Can’t figure out what it is?  Try asking a trusted friend who you know will be honest with you to talk it out with you until you figure it out.  Once you identify and acknowledge what it is, you can make choices about how you want to handle it moving forward.  You’ll be amazed at the results.

And don’t forget to acknowledge the good things too!
and one purple

Flowers at Minnehaha Park. Love the one purple one that stands out…although they are all beautiful.

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