Defining Freedom

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fusionI got a new car (just like the one pictured here) a couple of days ago.  It wasn’t an easy decision to make.  I’ve had my trusted vehicle for 6 years…longer than any other vehicle I’ve owned.  I loved her.  She has been my favorite car out of all the cars I’ve had and I’ve had newer and “nicer” but she really grabbed a hold of my heart.

I paid cash for her at a time when things were tough and she was pretty and red and my first convertible.  My husband had said for years it was stupid to have a convertible in Minnesota but I finally didn’t care enough to allow it to influence my decision.  I stood up and said this is what I want and I got it.  I took a stand for me.

I think between the lack of car payment, it’s age (just a couple of years old), a warranty, the bright pretty color and the ability to go topless…all of that spelled FREEDOM.  Freedom is one of the most important feelings for me…I want to feel secure and I want to feel free.  These feelings bring me a sense of peace and a ton of joy.

Fast forward to today.

This new car is pretty.  She has lots of options that are fun.  She’s only a year old and also has a warranty.  And still I cried.  I cried while cleaning out my old car.  I cried while driving away from the car lot.  I cried on the couch at home.  I just cried a lot.

I’m sure I’ll adjust.  In fact, playing with some of the features and getting to drive her around more is helping with that already.  I also realized this was a chance for me to redefine what freedom means to me.  Just because I have a car payment, doesn’t mean I’m not free.  I can afford it easily and I’m so grateful to be in that space.  It’s one of the cheapest car payments I’ve ever had, in fact.  Just because I can’t put the top down, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the smooth ride she provides.  And not having some of the mechanical problems (growing every day on my old car) means I can have a great sense of confidence that I won’t end up on the side of the road.  And, if I do, I have AAA and a bumper to bumper warranty to take care of that.

Sometimes we simply need to process through whatever we are grieving around and move on.  Redefining what is important to me was a major part of helping me move forward.  So today I express gratitude for all my last car did for me and I express gratitude for this new car and all I know she’ll do for me.

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