I recently read a post by Hannah Marcotti about why she deleted a comment on a photo she had shared. Someone had commented that the photo was “weird” (it wasn’t weird to me…very beautiful and reflective) and she simply deleted their comment.
My first reaction was thinking that it was wrong to just delete it…as if their opinion didn’t count…didn’t matter.
On the other hand, I saw a comment someone had left on someone else’s wall and that person didn’t delete the comment but rather told them not to do it again. They exchanged a few words around it. I wondered to myself why they didn’t just ignore it. The exchange felt dismissive…like deleting a comment would.
Back to Hannah’s post…
I read her post fully and my view completely shifted. She is so right.
Social media is my living room of sorts. I create it. I decorate it. I decide who walks into it. I pour the wine and put out the cheese and crackers. I invite. I lure. I draw you forth. ~ Hannah Marcotti
No matter how public the space may feel online, it is ours and ours alone…this space we create. Our websites, our blogs, our social media…it’s all ours to create in a sacred way…a way that feeds our soul and fills our belly with the virtual nourishment we crave.
Yes, the space is very public in so many ways but we get to decide what shows up in our space. That’s why I blog about whatever I want rather than sticking to a niche…life is crazy and want to write when I feel inspired to write and to write about what I feel inspired to write. It’s why I do the social media things I want to do and share what I want to share.
BUT I’ve never before looked at it as a sacred space I can create, like I would a physical space. I’ve never thought about how I really want to show up in that way. In a way that feels more honoring to me. Don’t get me wrong…sure, I have given a lot of thought about what I want to share and am doing that but this feels different to me…deeper to me.
I’ve gone off on a few rants on Facebook in the last few months…kind of attacking others for reporting false information or negative information…and I’m feeling bad about that now. I was in their space when I did that and it wasn’t necessary. Yes, I want to be an advocate for sharing truth and for focusing on the positive sans the rose colored glasses (I mean life is life and not everything is peachy keen in the world) AND I could have made other choices in those situations.
It was wrong of me to enter their space and shit all over their carpet. Rather than feel frustrated or even angry about what I was seeing and reading, I could simply stop following that person and let it go…that feels so much more honoring to me. I don’t always want to disconnect but sometimes it’s really the best choice if what they post regularly doesn’t resonate with me rather than making a mess in their house. I don’t even need to comment in return to something posted on my wall or comments on my blog in a way I don’t care for if I don’t want to…I can leave it alone or delete it.
Moving forward, I will focus on honoring my space and honoring the space of others. I will view this virtual space as sacred space. I’m ready to be filled with the nourishment I crave today.
How do you view your virtual house?
What a terrific post, Michele.
I also view my blog space as sacred.
In the past–on my blog and on my FB page, I deleted comments–others’ and my own. I’ve deleted posts I’ve written! Someone once ranted in my space, and I unfriended that person.
Today, I’ve relaxed and let go a bit. I’m more thoughtful (give space and time) to what I write. I no longer delete comments.
I’d probably let a rant remain–unless it was wildly off topic and simply mean, you know, directed at the person and not the principle being raised. I care that the rights of minorities (people and opinions) are heard. And this is why: I have spent a long time finding my voice and in that process, I’m learning that we all are trying to discover who we are by practicing being seen and heard. Being heard is one of the greatest healing gifts. I have more confidence to allow now. I am interested in listening to others who are not like me–and when they do express, and do it with kindness, I am grateful.
I do know there are unkind and unskilled communicators out there. I guess my statement here is not a formula, I’ll take it one comment at a time.
I read your “rant” about Thanksgiving shopping and appreciated that post very much. It helped me figure out my view, but even more it helped me accept others’ views. I don’t know if that’s one you’re referring to as approaching differently. But, I thank you for it. xo
So many things to consider, for sure. I think we have to figure out what works for us. Most of the things I blog about, I’m okay with remaining. The “rants” I was referring to were not started by me but I piped in – on someone else’s space – and let them have it…sometimes more forcefully than others. I’ve been having a hard time for a while now at all the false reports on Facebook and the slamming of others in a finger pointing way…one in particular was slamming our President for not attending a funeral or expressing gratitude for the soldiers service and comfort to the family. Most of what the person said was untrue and past presidents from the other party have also not attended funerals for high ranking officials and they did nothing to honor the man either and if that was their issue, they could have easily posted about the man and all his accomplishments rather than attacking someone else for their lack of attention…I stepped in and said a few words. That’s just one example. I’d prefer to not be human at times and allow my emotions to get away from me but alas that is who I am 🙂 I will just be more mindful in the future of how I show up everywhere…maybe just unfriending that person was a better option given they post those kinds of things all the time and that is what I’ve since done.
Michele! I absolutely agree with you about our blogs being our space. And I love the perspective of thinking about it as if it were an actual physical space in which we alone can choose who to invite. Love your blog!
It is interesting, isn’t it, to consider it as physical space. What we would allow into our homes and what we wouldn’t…Thank you for your kind words 🙂
I absolutely consider my space sacred. I’m not much of a player on FB so I don’t think this impacts me in the way it does so many others, but I absolutely hold we get to create the space we want. I think we can do much of this with intention and focus, but I think the delete key is an available choice as well. But what I most like about your post Michele is your openness about changing your mind. I love that we can see things in a new light and shift.
Thank you Deborah. Being willing to look at things differently is an important quality to have I think 🙂
It’s kind of true. We put ourselves out there completely in social media and though we need to be prepared for that, it’s sometimes hurtful and not easy. I occasionally post things I don’t necessarily see as controversial — but they become that way. Without that being their intent I try and sit back and moderate with an open heart. But I’ve deleted. Usually when things escalate to an unnecessary place and it’s obvious they are trolling. But this post gives me some food for thought.
I love the thought of our virtual spaces being our sacred space. All those spaces I have online for me represent who I am… what I am experiencing in life… they are things I resonate with in many ways, even if it seems like they are going in so many directions that don’t always tie in with one another, that’s who I am. I mostly show up online for myself. Its how I am able to put out there what I need reflected back to me. The online world is a place where I feel free and more easily able to express myself… and I really appreciate each person that stops by to leave a positive thought. Thanks for this lovely post Michele.
I once came across a virtual vicious argument on FB. A reader was disputing a post and the writer volleyed back. Their exchange was heated, crude and downright embarrassing for both. I screen shot it so that I could save it to remind me to NEVER ever go there. The writer quickly took it down but I still remember.
Over the past couple of months I’ve dropped several folks I followed on Twitter. They just weren’t a fit for me. Most of them are hugely popular with thousands of followers but I found their tweats made me angry more often than not. Actually gave me pleasure to press “unfollow.”
Love this discussion Michelle and the realization that our online space/work is sacred space too! I’ve read both yours and Hannah’s post and I agree.
I lived Hannah’s article. Really made me ponder how I want to express myself and show up in the virtual world. Great discussion Michele!
Warmly,
Kathy
That’s exactly how I feel about my blog – that it’s a sacred space that I create. I’m not so sure about FB because it doesn’t seem like I have the same sort of control. All sorts of strange stuff can show up there, even though I am constantly blocking various people and pages. But, for my part, I do my best to be loving and follow Ernest Holmes: “Find me one person who is for something and against nothing, who is redeemed enough not to condemn others out of the burden of his soul, and I will find another savior, another Jesus, and an exalted human being.” I doubt that I will ever reach that, but it’s worth going towards.