The other day I was reading an article online…I wish I could remember where so I could share but it was one of those surf around moments and I didn’t save it’s location. The article was about a woman who was feeling extremely sexually frustrated in her relationship. She was trying to figure out how to approach the subject with her partner. She said it wasn’t that they never had sex or that the sex wasn’t that great…it was just a sense of lacking that seemed to be an undercurrent and she needed to address it.
She ended up not handling it well…shouting it out during a phone conversation…but as soon as she said it, she realized it had nothing to do with sex or her partner.
She as unsatisfied in her life. There was a dull ache that something was missing. She wanted more. Again, she didn’t feel her life sucked in any way…she just wasn’t feeling satisfied. She realized her sex life was simply a metaphor for her life.
I have found myself saying the same thing at various points in my adult life. Sometimes it seemed like no matter what I did, nothing changed. I couldn’t seem to get that sense of satisfaction I desperately craved. It didn’t matter if I was experimenting or having se multiple times a day or having tons of orgasms…I still didn’t feel satisfied.
When I read the article, I realized that it was very true in my own life. How we feel about anything is how we feel about everything. If we aren’t satisfied in our life as a whole, it’s going to show up everywhere – including our sex life. And no matter what we try…what we do, it won’t change. Not until we address the bigger issue and identify what it is we need in the big picture.
For me, it usually seems to relate to feeling a lack of balance in my life. Balance as I define it…which means having has much awesomeness in every single day as possible. Don’t get me wrong…I work hard and I’m dedicated to taking care of my responsibilities AND I need to play. I need to do things that light me up…that bring me joy. Only then can I experience sexual satisfaction…or any other kind of satisfaction in my life.
You may have read a recent post about taking back my life. I’ve been really good about the balance I crave for a few years now and it’s gotten out of alignment the past few months and I’m dedicated to getting it back on track. I love feeling satisfied in all areas of my life, including sexually. Don’t we all?!
What do you notice in your own life when you aren’t honoring your needs?