It’s true. I am a recovering control enthusiast. Sounds so much nicer than control freak, doesn’t it? I have struggled with needing to feel like I’m in control most of my life. I know there were things in my childhood that started this pattern and it’s a hard one to break.
But the truth is, control is just a myth. It isn’t real. The only thing we can truly control are the choices we make in our lives. Everything else is out of our control and, the harder we fight to control them, the more out of control things will seem. Fighting for control gives us a false sense of security. It is just an illusion.
So how do you know if you are a control enthusiast? Here are a few tell-tale signs:
- You believe if someone changed a bit, you’d be happier.
- You don’t believe in imperfections.
- You try to make everyone fit into your expectations, which are often quite unrealistic.
- You judge other’s behavior as right or wrong.
- You need to “know” things.
- You have a hard time with vagueness.
- You make others responsible for how you feel…it’s their fault you feel a certain way.
How can you begin to shift this behavior? Here are a few suggestions:
- Allow your true self to show.
- Be mindful of your expectations…are they realistic?
- Be direct.
- Communicate with people open and honestly and in a timely manner.
- Life is full of unknowns. Enjoy the mystery.
- Learn to go with the flow.